Relapse

My daughter remained sober for almost 9 months following a 30 day inpatient stay at Caron. We were so proud of her. We fell into the belief that it was smooth sailing from here on out. Then, we received a call from the Vice Principal at her high school, my daughter was caught in the restroom with a friend acting suspicious. (Drug snorting sounds coming from a stall.) I of course defended my daughter saying that there was no way she would be using drugs again.

Two weeks later she came home totally drunk.

That night I wrote the following journal entry:

All of a mother's love and strength will not be enough if your child won't accept that there is a problem and want to change. How do I feel? Frustrated, sad, guilty, angry. Once again, I put myself on the line, standing up for my daughter and she was lying. I was clinging to the hope that she was "cured." I forgot that recovery is a process. I am finally ready to be here. I can accept my co-dependency, my enabling. My daughter has to do this on her own or she won't survive. I get it. I must "withhold everything but the love."

The lyrics to the song below bring me back to the moment when I wrote this journal entry. Every time I listen to it I am reminded to let go. (To listen click on the link below.)

"Song for Mia" Lizz Wright